Guidelines for Giving Feedback

Giving feedback is a verbal or nonverbal process through which a person communicates his or her perceptions and feelings about another person's behavior.  Most people give and receive feedback daily without being aware that they are doing so.  The process of giving and asking for feedback is one of the most important ways of learning new behaviors and of assessing our impact on others. It is through feedback that we learn to “keep on course" and to see ourselves as others see us.

The giving and receiving of meaningful feedback is an inter-personal exchange that implies the presence of certain key ingredients:

• caring;

• trusting;

• acceptance;

• openness; and

• concern for the needs of others.

Thus, the extent to which the feedback is evaluative, judgmental, and helpful may depend on the personal philosophies of the parties involved.  However, giving feedback is a learned skill that can be developed through the use of the following nine guidelines. Desired change is more likely to occur if these guidelines are followed. 

1.   Consider the needs of others.  The primary reason for giving feedback should be to help oneself and others to grow.  When growth is not the motivation, feedback can be destructive.  For example, an angry person giving feedback may be motivated not by a desire for personal growth and relationship enhancement but by the desire to hurt the person who made him or her angry.  Feedback motivated by self-serving interests is not feedback but self-gratification.

2.   Describe behavior only; do not attempt to interpret.  Overt behavior is highly objective and observable. When one attributes a motive to another person's behavior, one is interpreting a person's intentions. Because intentions are private and are known to only the person who possesses them, the attribution of motives and intention to behaviors and actions is highly subjective. In any event, interpreting or ascribing motives to a person's behavior tends to put that person on the defensive and cause him or her to expend energy on explaining or defending the behavior. Interpretation and speculation by others deprives the person of the opportunity to interpret and understand his or her own behavior, at the same time creating dependency on the interpreter.  As a result, the feedback is not likely to be used, regardless of how helpful it might have been.

3.   Focus on behavior that can be changed. Effective feedback is aimed at behavior that is relatively easy to change. Many people behave according to habit; their personal styles have developed through years of responding in certain ways.  To receive feedback on personal habits can be frustrating because these behaviors can be very difficult to change.  Feedback on behaviors that are difficult to change often creates anxiety and self-consciousness about the behaviors.

4.   Be specific. When the feedback is specific, the person receiving the feedback will know which behavior is being discussed.  For example, "You are a warm person," which is a very general statement, does not tell the person which behaviors contributed to the perception that he or she is warm.

5.   Wait for feedback to be solicited. When soliciting feedback, a person asks others for their perceptions and observations about his or her behavior. In reality, most feedback is imposed.  People often give feedback whether it is solicited or not and whether or not the person is prepared to receive the feedback. Also, a person's desire to give feedback may be greater than the other person's desire to receive it. This is particularly true when the person giving the feedback is angry or upset about something concerning the potential recipient.

In some situations, it is appropriate to impose feedback, particularly when a norm exists for giving as well as soliciting feedback or in order to induce a norm of spontaneity. Nevertheless, feedback tends to be more helpful when it is requested.  A request for feedback usually indicates that the person is prepared to listen and wants to know how others perceive his or her behavior.

6.   Be nonjudgmental. Feedback is not objective and is rarely as constructive if it is based on personal interpretation. This type of evaluation often is perceived as a personal attack. When giving feedback, one must respond not to a person's perceived personality or likeability but to his or her actions. When people are told that they are stupid or insensitive, for example, it is extremely difficult to respond calmly and objectively. A person sometimes may act unthinkingly or behave in an insensitive way, but this is not proof of stupidity or insensitivity.  Evaluation casts people in the roles of judge and defendant, often with disastrous effects.

7.   Give feedback immediately after the behavior. When feedback is given immediately after the action, the event is fresh in both people's minds. In this way, feedback acts as a mirror of the person's behavior.  There often is a tendency, however, to delay feedback. A person may fear losing emotional control, hurting another's feelings, or being criticized.

An exception to this guideline is the case of the regularly scheduled feedback session, the purpose of which is to keep communication channels open.  In these scheduled sessions, participants may discuss events that have taken place since their last session or may work on issues generated during the meeting itself. For scheduled feedback sessions to be effective, the decision to hold them should be reached via participant consensus.

8.   Allow the freedom to change or not to change. A person should have the freedom to use feedback in any meaningful way without being required to change. A giver of feedback who tells a person to change is attempting to set the standards for right and wrong or good and bad behavior and is judging the other person against these standards.  Pressure to change can be very direct or very subtle, thus creating a competitive, no-win relationship. Furthermore, imposing standards on others by expecting them to change arouses resistance and even resentment.

9.   Express feelings directly. People frequently assume that they are expressing their feelings when actually they are stating opinions and perceptions.  Statements that begin with "I feel that..." often finish with beliefs or opinions. For example, the statement, "I feel that you are driving too fast," is an indirect expression of feelings. The underlying statement of feelings in the above example may be, "I am anxious because you are driving so fast," or, "I am frightened because you are driving fast." Indirect expressions of feelings offer an escape from commitment and often prevent meaningful feedback.

Implementing the Guidelines for Feedback

The process of giving feedback sometimes can be inhibited if one attempts to consider all of the above guidelines simultaneously. Some guidelines take priority over others.  It is most important to remember that feedback should be descriptive, nonjudgmental, specific, and should offer freedom of choice. The above guidelines also can be used diagnostically. For example, if a person receiving feedback reacts defensively, some of the guidelines probably have been violated by the giver.

In summary, the ways in which people give feedback may be strongly influenced by their values and personal philosophies about themselves, about their relationships with others, and about other people in general.  Guidelines for giving feedback can be learned and are valuable in helping people to give and receive effective and useful feedback. 

Source

Reprinted from Theories and Models in Applied Behavior Science,  Volume 2: Group, San Diego, CA: Pfeiffer and Company, 1991.

1. Consider the needs of others.

2. Describe behavior only; do not attempt to interpret.

3. Focus on behavior that can be changed.

4. Be specific.

5. Wait for feedback to be solicited.

6. Be nonjudgmental.

7. Give feedback immediately after the behavior.

8. Allow the freedom to change or not to change.

9. Express feelings directly.